#13 Take It All WAY Too Personally

Sometimes I’m a single bitch.

Saturday was perhaps my first weekend night truly alone. My friends and I often spend nights IN. Going out takes a lot of work, and sometimes it’s just more rewarding to hole up in our pajamas with a full cookie jar and a stack of Sex and the City DVDs. But on Saturday, I was truly alone. Of my four good girl friends, one was away for the weekend visiting a boy, one had date night with her boyfriend, another went out with other friends for a birthday, and the last was away for work. There was no one to share cookies and snide remarks about Samantha while secretly wishing to be her.

A night in is infinitely more boring when you have no other choice. And I wasn’t looking forward to it, all day long. In fact, I seemed to be acting out in my anticipated frustration.

It started in the afternoon, when my estrogen back up was still around. A bunch of us gathered to fill the void Michigan football has left to watch some NFL. In that group there was one couple. Just one. Out of like, ten people. I gotta say, I’m all for PDA, and I understand appreciating your significant other, but you gotta draw a line when you start crawling all over each other. Especially when others are sharing the couch with you.

Now, when confronted with a couple that seems to be practicing tandem pilates next to you there are two approaches. One is to just politely ignore it. The other is to make passive aggressive remarks and hope they suddenly become more uncomfortable than you are.

I of course go for passive aggressive.

Part of the problem is that my best friend is one half of the culprit couple, so I can get away with saying a whole lot more than I normally could to a nominal acquaintance. So I start. And when the “Gee, why don’t you guys get a little closer” and the “Wow, I don’t normally try that move with clothes on” statements don’t work, I resort to sulking with my phone, texting people to commiserate with me about how much we hate couples who overdo the PDA with their dumbly impressive pretzely moves.

And the thing is, I’m not a cuddling Scrooge. I love PDA and think it can be cute. This is probably because in my casual noncommital relationships boys refuse to display any public affection on me, starving me and making me feel insecure. But when couples use it as a weapon, as if they have something to prove, I draw a line. We get it! You have someone who wants to physically occupy the same space as you! No need to rub it in! Boundaries, people.

And then my best friend and her boyfriend ditched me to go on “date night.” AFTER their date afternoon on the couch. Watching football with eight other people! Incorrigible. Well, to be fair, I knew they were going out and just tried to persuade them to hang out with me instead. I knew my chances of success weren’t high and I went for it anyway. Rejection hurts. I understand now why boys rein it in sometimes. But it not only hurts, it pisses me off. Who did she think she was, blowing off her best friend to keep plans she had made with her boyfriend? Doesn’t she remember that I am the most important person in her life? Boys come and go but sisters are forever!

The thing is, I would probably do the same, right? It’s just been so long since I’ve been in a real relationship, and then it was mostly long distance and weird, I can’t even imagine what I would do with a boyfriend. Well, that’s not true. I do imagine…

What I mean to say is that I can’t imagine divying up my time, making plans, date nights, things like that. I’m used to whole weekends being spoken for, spending every second wishing someone was there, phone dates and long emails. And by “I’m used to” I mean that happened once upon a time four years ago. But that was the relationship I had, and to imagine midweek date nights or dinners with the parents or not being spontaneously available all the time just takes more imagination than I currently have.

But as I walked to my car after the football game, alone on a Saturday night, I realized that I wasn’t just lonely, I was angry. I was angry that all my friends had plans, either with their boyfriends or at least in proximity of guys. And I was going home alone, where the most interaction I would get with boys would be Facebook stalking that cute tall boy I met crashing the law student’s bowling night. And that’s when I wondered–was I getting bitter? Cynical? Jealous of my friends’ happiness?

Am I becoming the single bitch?

Sure I miss hanging out with my friends. I’d rather be out meeting people with my roomie than freezing alone in our apartment because I’m too cheap to turn on the heat [besides, we’re spending all our heat money on vodka]. I’d like to repeat the maxim “chicks before dicks” and still have peace when I’m the one with zero plans. Because if these are the people I love the most, shouldn’t I be overjoyed that they are so happy?

I think I am. But I’m only human too. And sometimes that means I’m just a little bit of a single bitch.

I have no cool photos today. So here's one from the bowl game I went to. I sacrified an awesome NYE in a Big Ten college town so I could go to an awesome Big Ten football game on NYD. Except we lost.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lizzie
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 20:13:30

    I worry about this sometimes for sure. But all my friends are married, boo. I wish you lived closer because then we could go out drinking – I love my friends and all but sometimes you just need s single, drunken, man hunting night.


    • Judy Rocket
      Jan 10, 2011 @ 22:29:44

      That would be so great! Who knows–I’ve been meaning to get out to the west coast sometime. When I have the money for a trip. So maybe in the summer. Or next year?

      You’re really right about going out too. When I go out with my friends who are in relationships, they grab a table and sit in the corner. Which is not how my single friends run a night out. And my married friends–I can’t even get them out at all.


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